


Romulan Lovers

by thesadchicken



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: The Next Generation
Genre: Big Bang Challenge, Episode Related, I had fun writing this, Kinda, M/M, Romulan!Picard, Romulan!Q, This is crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-19
Updated: 2017-09-19
Packaged: 2018-12-31 15:41:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,113
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12135642
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thesadchicken/pseuds/thesadchicken
Summary: Based on an art prompt by silverstrike on tumblr: "In which Q decides to meddle in Picard and Data’s mission in search for Spock on Romulus and, for some contrived reason, both he and Jean-Luc have to pretend they’re boyfriends/lovers/bondmates."Crack. Kinda episode related.Written for the 2017 Qcard Big Bang.





	Romulan Lovers

“Q! What are you doing here?” Picard hissed between clenched teeth.

He and Data were on Romulus for a most important undercover mission with Ambassador Spock of Vulcan. Disguised as Romulan civilians, they were making their way to a heavily guarded underground facility, where they would meet an unnamed Romulan military commander who had offered to grant Spock protection until the end of his peace mission on Romulus. Picard and Data had originally been sent to retrieve the Ambassador, but now, convinced by the importance of the mission, they were mostly trying to ensure Spock’s safety – captain’s discretion. Their contact had assured them that he wholeheartedly believed in Spock’s cause, but who knew where this anonymous Romulan commander’s loyalties really lay?   

They had to be careful. The smallest sign that they were in fact Starfleet Officers and not ordinary Romulan civilians could get them all killed – not to mention start an interplanetary war. And it was at this very delicate moment of their mission that Q had decided to meddle in their affairs.

Appearing in a conspicuous flash of blinding light, the entity had _at least_ had the decency to respect the importance of their mission; he was clad in full Romulan attire, although he wore a military uniform that clashed rather obviously with Picard, Data and Spock’s neutral civilian outfits. He also had Romulan ears, eyebrows and forehead ridges, but Picard had recognized him immediately.

“Q! What are you doing here?”

“Why, I’m here to help you out, _mon capitaine_ ,” Q chuckled, like it was a silly question.

“You’re doing the exact opposite,” Picard whispered, “and lower your voice, for God’s sake! You’re going to get us caught.”

“Relax, Jean-Luc,” Q continued in his usual brassy voice. He flicked his greenish tongue at Picard and tapped the tips of his pointed ears with his fingers. “Don’t you think this Romulan style suits me? I think it gives me a rather dashing look.”

Against his better judgment – and almost instinctively – Picard turned to get a better look at Q. He did indeed look quite handsome; tall and strong in the strict military uniform, ears and eyebrows pointy and neat, his large brown eyes gleaming with even more alien mystique. His Romulan haircut cleared his neck and forehead. The delicate ridges there were tangled together in an intricate mosaic. Picard gawked with growing curiosity. Q looked so different… and yet recognizable… otherworldly but familiar.

“Surrock,” Ambassador Spock’s voice interrupted Picard’s musings. ‘Surrock’ was the alias Picard had chosen to use during this mission. Being beckoned in this way by the Ambassador made him blush slightly. He turned away from Q.

“Yes?”

Looking more closely, Picard noticed both Spock and Data staring at him and Q. If he hadn’t known better, he would’ve thought they were _surprised_. Ridiculous of course, surprise was a human emotion that neither the Vulcan nor the Android could feel.

Spock closed the distance between himself and Picard, until he was close enough to whisper. “Are you acquainted with this person, captain?”

Picard blushed even more. “I err – it’s, it’s complicated,” he stammered. How could he possibly explain to Ambassador Spock that this was an all-powerful omniscient space entity that had been stalking him for years and that now decided to interfere with their mission for who-knows what reason? Even if he came up with a simple explanation, he certainly couldn’t do it here and now, in the middle of Romulus on an undercover mission.

Q, damn him, remained stubbornly silent, smirking to himself as he watched Picard struggle.

Data however benevolently spoke up. “Yes, I believe we do know him, Ambassador.” Picard almost sighed in relief. Until Data, unable to lie or conceal the truth, added, “He actually visits the _Enterprise_ fairly often.”

Spock arched an eyebrow at Picard, as if demanding further explanation. Picard cleared his throat. “Yes, err – you see, he is…”

He was interrupted by a flock of Romulan soldiers scurrying in their direction, shouting orders, drawing their disruptors and pointing them onto Spock, Data, Picard and Q.

“ _Merde_ ,” Picard breathed.

They were completely surrounded.

Ambassador Spock calmly stepped up and raised his palms in the universal sign of peace. “We come seeking armistice,” he said, and Picard instantly recognized the code-phrase they had agreed to use when encountering their ally-to-be.

The soldiers did not lower their weapons, but they relaxed noticeably. From behind, their commander called out for them to step aside. As he walked up to Spock, Picard gave Data a pointed look. They needed to be ready to attack if the Ambassador’s life became endangered.

The Romulan commander studied each one of them carefully. His eyes travelled between the four of them, examining their features. “Ambassador Spock, Surrock and Murdol,” he nodded, giving Picard and Data’s code-names. He then squinted at Q. “I do not recognize this one.”

Picard froze. He didn’t know what to say. He didn’t have time to come up with a convincing lie, and telling the truth would get them all killed – all of them except for Q, of course.

“Forgive us, Commander Serok, for not alerting you to the presence of Surrock’s bondmate,” Spock said, gesturing towards Q.

Picard almost choked on thin air.

“His bondmate?” Commander Serok raised his eyebrows.

“Yes,” Spock nodded, giving no further explanation.

The commander stared at Q a moment longer. Picard held his breath.

“Highly unusual, but I see no harm in it,” Serok finally said. “Now, follow me gentlemen, we don’t have much time.”

They all breathed sighs of relief. It turned out the commander was more concerned with the mission than anything else.

As they followed Serok into the depths of the underground facility, Data drew close to Spock and others.

“Ambassador, how did you come to the conclusion that Q here is Captain Picard’s bondmate – or partner?” he asked with juvenile curiosity.

Picard wanted to protest, but his own curiosity got the better of him. He let Spock explain.

“You yourself pointed out, Commander Data, that Q often visits the _Enterprise_. Before that, I saw him and Captain Picard argue in a manner I have come to understand translates affection and attraction between humans.  That, and the way Captain Picard looked at Q. All these factors allowed me to logically deduce the nature of their relationship.”

Data seemed satisfied with the explanation. Picard was speechless.

“Very logical indeed, Ambassador,” Q chimed in, beaming. He threw one arm over Picard’s shoulder and pulled him closer. “ _N’est-ce pas_ , bondmate?” he added, extending two fingers toward Picard.

Reluctantly, the captain rubbed his own fingers against Q’s, mimicking a Romulan kiss. He closed his eyes, feeling his face go crimson. “Logical, yes,” he said.

**Author's Note:**

> [Check out silverstrike's amazing art here!](http://silverstrike.tumblr.com/post/164821885346/my-contribution-to-the-2017-qcard-big-bang-held-at)


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